admin, Author at Transformations Counseling

Suicide

Suicide is a topic that can be uncomfortable for many to discuss due to the shame and fear built around it. Losing someone to suicide feels devastating, experiencing suicidal ideation is incredibly difficult, and misinformation around it can make it harder for people to recognize risk or seek help. September was suicide prevention month and although we have moved into October, the conversations still need to be hard.

Suicide affects people from across different ages, backgrounds, and circumstances. Part of what makes it so scary is that there is no one factor that can be named as a direct cause, in fact many factors can increase or decrease the likelihood of a suicide attempt or completion. Myths about suicide can often discourage people from asking the questions they need to, from taking warning signs seriously, or from seeking professional support.

Below you will find seven common myths about suicide, and what we know from current suicide-prevention research that can dispel them. Our goal hear is to replace the misinformation with truth, answer some questions you may have, and initiate another conversation about suicide that is more informed and less stigmatizing.

Myth One: Talking about suicide will put the idea into someone’s head.

This one is a big one! The fear that mentioning suicide will increase the likelihood that someone will attempt or even that it could bring the idea into someone’s head. The truth? Asking someone directly about suicide does not increase suicidal thoughts of behavior.

Multiple studies have shown that asking people about suicidal thoughts or behaviors does not cause or increase thoughts of suicide. Rather, asking someone directly, “Are you thinking of killing yourself?” can be the best way to identify someone who may be at risk for suicide. Why? It creates an opportunity for someone to disclose thoughts they may have been keeping private. Meeting them without judgement is important when asking and when listening to what they have to say.

You do not need to have the perfect words. Asking with genuine care and listening without judgement are more important that saying everything perfectly. If you’re stuck thinking of what to say, try the following:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been having a really difficult time lately. Are you thinking about suicide?”

You may get stuck with what to say after. That’s normal! Many people do not know how to respond when someone admits to having suicidal thoughts. It’s not because you do not care, it’s usually because you do. You care about the person, you may feel fear over the thought of losing them, you may hurt because you see them hurting. You are not expected to fix things, instead the best thing you can do is show you support and love them through verbally telling them this, being there for them, and helping connect them to trained mental health professionals who have the training to help them work through what is happening.

Myth Two: People who talk about suicide are just looking for attention.

Talking about suicide should be taken seriously all the time and never dismissed as attention-seeking. A person talking about suicide may be communicating severe emotional distress and not sure how to communicate this.

Not everyone who experiences suicidal thoughts will attempt suicide, but suicidal thoughts should always be taken seriously. One of the identified warning signs for risk of suicide is talking about wanting to die, feeling hopeless or trapped, and feeling like a burden. If someone is talking about it, it warrants attention and support rather than skepticism or judgement. “Attention-seeking” itself is stigmatized, when often what we view negatively in this way is someone attempting to communicate an unmet need. Even if someone does not appear to be in immediate danger, suicidal thoughts should be responded to with curiosity rather than judgement.

If someone communicates, they are thinking of taking their life, you can respond with something like, “I’m glad you told me. I want to understand what you’re going through.” Responding with empathy and curiosity will increase the chances of a person being willing to get connected to a professional support.

Myth Three: People who die by suicide are selfish, cowardly, or weak.

Describing people who died by suicide as selfish, cowardly, weak, attention-seeking, or in any other negative connotation adds too stigma without helping understand the circumstances that contribute to why people complete suicide.

The truth is: Suicide does not reflect a person’s character or moral strength.

Living with suicidal thoughts is a complex situation, that encompasses psychological pain, hopelessness, trauma, and more. It can be contributed to by substance use, chronic pain/illness, social isolation, relationship difficulties, discrimination, financial struggles, and more. Suicide is a complex issue involving multiple individual, relationship, community, and societal factors rather than a single cause.

Suicide is not adequately explained by a character judgement.

Surviving a suicide loss can bring a host of feelings for you, whether it is feelings aimed at the person you lost by suicide or at yourself for not being able to control the ending. Having mixed feelings is normal and many experience them. Anger is a common reaction to grief when a situation feels impossible to understand, and while it may be easy to have anger towards those who complete suicide it is misplaced. A person dying by suicide says nothing about their character or how they lived. Rather it communicates a deeply painful and complex situation with a tragic ending.

Myth Four: All people who attempt suicide truly want to die.

Suicidal experiences can involve significant ambivalence. A person may simultaneously experience an intense desire for their emotional pain to stop while also having reasons they want to live.

Suicidal thoughts exist on a continuum and where a person is on this continuum can fluctuate. Suicidal thoughts, intent, planning, and behavior are not interchangeable. Someone can experience suicidal thoughts frequently yet have no intent or plan to carry out those thoughts. Some can have thoughts, intent, and a plan and still feel ambivalent about carrying out that plan. Someone can be experiencing serious suicide risk while also wanting help, connection, relief, or another way forward.

We cannot assume that every person who attempts suicide experiences suicidal intent in exactly the same way. This is why we must have the hard conversations, ask the questions, and connect those who are struggling to professionals who are trained to support them. This is why asking about someone’s experience rather than assuming what they want matters.

Myth Five: All people who self-harm are suicidal.

When we talk about warning signs for suicide, self harm is often part of the conversation. While self-harm can be a potential risk factor for suicide, it is not a direct link. Nonsuicidal self-injury (NSSI) and suicidal behavior are distinct phenomena.

NSSI generally refers to intentionally injuring oneself without suicidal intent. A person can struggle with NSSI and have suicidal ideation, but no intent (remember the continuum). A person can also struggle with self-harm and have no suicidal ideation. NSSI can serve as a function for many things, including regulating overwhelming emotions, communicating distress, interrupting emotional numbess, self-punishment, and more.

“Nonsuicidal” does not mean “not serious.”

Someone who self-harms is deserving of support and assessment. Because self-harm and suicidality can co-occur, assessment by a professional can include suicide risk while also providing persons support with learning new ways of coping that can replace the function that NSSI serves.

Myth Six: Suicide always occurs without warning.

While some suicides may occur with little obvious warning, many people who experience suicide risk show warning signs of changes in behavior, mood, communication, or circumstances that you can be on the lookout for. Understanding the warning signs can help with early intervention.

Some common warning signs include:

Talking about wanting to die.
Increased communication of feeling hopeless, trapped, or a burden.
Withdrawing or isolating from others.
Extreme mood changes.
Increased substance use.
Giving away important possessions.
Saying goodbye to friends and family.
Making intense out of no-where declarations of care to people around them.
Putting affairs in order, such as making a will.
Increased risky behavior.
Changes in eating or sleeping habits.

Recognizing warning signs does not mean that suicide is always predictable or preventable by family and friends. Warning signs are reasons to reach out, not proof that someone is going to attempt.

Myth Seven: Therapy will not help when a person is already suicidal.

Suicidal thoughts should be always taken seriously. Whether an offhanded comment or joke, it could point to underlying distress that is deserving of care and appropriate support. Therapy can help a person understand factors that contribute to suicidal thoughts, develop coping strategies, identify ways to fight though increases in thought intensity, strength social support, address underlying mental health and trauma related concerns, develop plans to keep a person safe, identify resources and levels of care appropriate for their needs, and more. Therapy can be an incredibly important part of suicide prevention and recovery.

Sometimes, therapy is not necessarily the only intervention someone needs. If someone is in immediate danger, has imminent intent, or cannot maintain their safety, emergency/crisis intervention may be necessary.

So…

What can you do if someone tells you they are thinking about suicide?

Take them seriously.Do not dismiss, debate, or minimize what they’re experiencing. Comments like “Why would you want to do that?” or “Look at all you have going for you though!” can increase the shame a suicidal person has over their thoughts and decrease their willingness to talk openly and seek help.
Ask directly. It is okay to ask whether they are thinking about suicide. It is okay to ask if they have a plan already and if they intend to carry out this plan. Asking these questions without judgement can help gauge the next steps.
You do not need to immediately solve the problem. You may want to out of your own anxiety for their safety, and while that is a normal response – attempt to simply be there for the person. It takes a lot for a person to open up about suicide, meet them with care and support, listen to what they are saying, and then move forward with them in what to do next to get them connected to support.
Help connect them to support. Support could include a therapist, doctor, trusted person, crisis line, or higher level of care. If you are a minor and someone you know tells you they are thinking of suicide, consult with a trusted adult in your life. Let them help with the next steps of connecting the person to support.
Act when there is immediate danger. If someone is in immediate danger of killing themselves, do not leave them alone. Instead contact emergency/crisis services in your area.

What can you do if you or someone you know is thinking of suicide?

You do not have to wait until suicidal thoughts become an emergency to seek support. You are deserving of care no matter where you are on the continuum. A therapist can provide a nonjudgmental space to talk about suicidal thoughts, emotional pain, self-harm, hopelessness, or other concerns that may be contributing to distress. A therapist can also help you process fear around a loved one who is suicidal or grief from having lost someone to suicide.

Our therapists at Transformations Counseling provide several forms of therapy in both Rockford and Lake in the Hills and surrounding communities, as well as telehealth services across Illinois. To get scheduled with a clinician, fill out the form on our website at counselingtransforms.com to initiate the process.

If you, or someone you know, is needing crisis support please call or text 988, which is available 24/7. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.

Reaching beyond your comfort zone is an empowering journey that can lead to profound personal growth and transformation. At Transformations Counseling PLLC, we are dedicated to supporting clients as they embrace the unknown, challenge limiting beliefs, and set ambitious yet attainable goals. By venturing outside their comfort zones, clients can unlock their true potential, cultivate resilience, and create a life aligned with their values and aspirations. Our mission is to help individuals discover their better self, build better relationships, and achieve a balanced life.

Remember, the path to personal growth may not always be easy, but the rewards are immeasurable. Step out of your comfort zone, embrace new challenges, and watch as you grow into the best version of yourself. At Transformations Counseling PLLC, we are here to guide and support you every step of the way on this transformative journey.

Start reaching beyond your comfort zone today and unlock the limitless possibilities that await you. Together, let’s embark on a path of self-discovery, empowerment, and lasting change.

What is EMDR?

Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing, or EMDR, is a therapeutic approach that utilizes bilateral stimulation, such as eye movement, to engage the brain’s problem-solving process. This mimics the activity observed during REM sleep, enhancing the brain’s effectiveness in addressing specific problems related to negative and positive emotions, sensations, and beliefs. By focusing on targeted issues and incorporating bilateral stimulation, EMDR aids in breaking through emotional barriers that hinder adaptive and emotionally healthy living.

Originally developed for treating Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), EMDR has evolved to address various disorders, emphasizing the brain’s ability to learn and update past experiences with current information continually. The approach facilitates letting go of the past and reevaluating experiences from a healthier present perspective.

Transforming Traumatic Memories

Unlike other treatments, EMDR uniquely targets the storage of memories in the brain, especially those associated with PTSD. By altering the way memories are stored, EMDR effectively eliminates PTSD symptoms, leading to a faster reduction in distress, feelings, and behaviors associated with traumatic experiences.

Fast Relief and Brain Activation

EMDR offers swift symptom relief through bilateral alternate stimulation. This process activates key brain regions, including the prefrontal, ventromedial, amygdala, and thalamic areas. Research indicates that individuals undergoing EMDR treatment experience a notable reduction in stress associated with PTSD.

Distinguishing Features of EMDR

EMDR stands out from other PTSD treatments by omitting homework assignments, challenging beliefs, detailed trauma explanations, or extensive exposure to memories. Its unique eight-phase approach empowers clients with PTSD to regain control over traumatic memories, a feature not commonly found in other PTSD treatments.

Efficiency and Time Reduction

A significant advantage of EMDR is its efficiency. Twenty minutes is equivalent to five talk therapy sessions. This streamlined approach reduces the treatment time needed, helping clients alleviate symptoms more effectively.

Eating disorders, a pervasive concern, impact a substantial number of individuals, with over 30 million affected in the U.S., including 10 million men. Defined by severe disturbances in eating behavior, the primary categories are anorexia and bulimia, both classified as impulse control disorders. These conditions not only pose physical harm but can also become life-threatening due to associated medical complications, a trend observed with growing prevalence in younger populations.

Breaking Stereotypes: Recognizing Male Experiences

While traditionally stereotyped as a female disorder, eating disorders affect both genders. Unfortunately, males and boys may be underdiagnosed, as their concerns about self-image can manifest differently. For instance, while females often worry about weight, males may focus on a lack of muscle or muscular definition. Suicidal ideations are prevalent in both anorexia and bulimia cases.

Anorexia: Unpacking the Criteria

According to the DSM-5, anorexia nervosa is characterized by restricted energy intake leading to significantly low body weight, coupled with an intense fear of gaining weight. Other criteria include persistent behaviors hindering weight gain and disturbances in body weight or shape perception. Anorexic individuals often exhibit delusions about body shape, weight, and a persistent lack of recognition of the severity of their low weight.

Physiologically, anorexia brings about health deterioration, manifesting in symptoms like intolerance to cold, dry skin, increased fine body hair, low blood pressure, edema, metabolic changes, potassium losses, and cardiac damage. Cardiac arrest, resulting from electrolyte and fluid imbalance, is the most common physiological complication leading to fatalities.

Bulimia: Understanding the Episodes

Bulimia involves consuming large amounts of food followed by purging to prevent weight gain. Characterized by a sense of loss of control during binge eating and purging, bulimia typically has a later onset than anorexia and is prevalent in young women. The DSM-5 outlines bulimia as recurring episodes of binge eating, with inappropriate compensatory behaviors occurring at least once a week for three months.

Recovery: A Beacon of Hope

Amidst the alarming statistics surrounding eating disorders, a silver lining emerges: up to 80 percent of patients who receive and complete eating disorder treatment can recover or experience significant improvement. This underscores the importance of early detection, intervention, and comprehensive treatment to break free from the grips of eating disorders and move towards a path of recovery and well-being.

What would you think if I told you that it is possible to have a long-term relationship without fights?

Our culture tells us that “every couple has fights” but that doesn’t have to be true. How is it possible to be so close to someone and not fight with them?

The answer to that question is simple, yet difficult. The answer to that question is both parties have to be intentional and commit to not fighting. The answer to that question requires self-reflection.

Disagreements happen between two people. You will never fully agree with someone all the time. A relationship is made up of two humans and humans are not mind readers. It is inevitable that one or both parties will misinterpret the others’ intentions and motivations. Disagreements do not have to escalate to a fight. Do you want to have a relationship where there is no fighting, and your partner wants that, too? Ask yourself these questions:

- Am I willing to wait until I don’t feel highly emotional about the disagreement?

- Am I willing to let go of the need to be “right”?

- Am I ready to listen to the other person’s perspective?

- Is it possible that I have it wrong in my head?

- Am I willing to serve my partner and be served by my partner?

If you’ve honestly answered these questions as yes, here are some conversation starters to help you begin the conflict resolution with your partner:

- I feel (feeling) when you (behavior) and I need you to (behavior).
  - - Ex: I feel disrespected when you leave a stack of dirty dishes next to the sink and I need you to rinse them off and put them in the dishwasher.

- The story I’m telling myself is…
  - - Ex: The story that I am telling myself is that you’re annoyed with me and don’t care about how I am feeling. Can you help me fight those thoughts?

- Can you help me understand…
  - - Ex: I’ve noticed that when you come home lately, you go straight to our room. Can you help me understand what it is you need when you get home so that I don’t take it personally?

- When you (behavior) I feel (feeling) and that helps me to (behavior).
  - - Ex: When you did the dishes last night, I felt relieved and that helped me to relax and have quality time with you.

Remember, fights don’t have to be a given! If you would like help improving your relationship through counseling, reach out to get connected with one of our therapists.

Polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, and the idea of our “windows of tolerance,” explained by Dr. Dan Siegel, are both concepts that help us understand how our nervous systems respond to threats. Understanding our bodies’ and minds’ responses to how safe we feel can help us figure out what coping skills help us get through challenging thoughts and determine how we interact with others.

Polyvagal theory explains how our nervous system operates depending on our perceived safety. Think of it as if our brains and bodies encounter red, yellow, or green traffic lights as we go through our day. How quickly your traffic lights switch from green to yellow or red depends on traumas or life experiences you have been through. However, none of these states are wrong since we do not control our autonomic nervous system.

Our window of tolerance is the point between traffic light states when we can think clearly and feel that the challenges we encounter are manageable. Feeling overwhelmed or disconnected is a normal stress reaction. Checking in with our nervous systems is not to prevent us from ever getting stressed; it is human to be stressed. Using polyvagal theory and the window of tolerance, we can better recognize when we are approaching limits and what we can do to bring ourselves back to what feels manageable.

1. Safe and Social, Ventral Vagal Mode (Green Light Zone): When we feel safe, we have a green light to proceed, interact, and make choices. The green light zone is when our bodies are calmest, and our minds can think the most clearly. We can connect with others, think clearly, and handle tasks and problems without feeling overwhelmed.

1. Threatened or Sympathetic Mode (Yellow Light Zone): When something stressful or threatening happens, our bodies switch into this mode to keep us alert, like a yellow light telling us a red light is soon to come. Our heart rates get faster, and other body systems respond differently. Our thoughts often feel faster or unclear. Most of us feel the urge to run (flight), defend ourselves (fight), or make others happy (fawn). Our bodies are trying to protect us from danger. Long-term decisions and complex tasks are difficult in the yellow light zone because our minds and bodies prepare to defend us.

1. Shutdown or Dorsal Vagal Mode (Red Light Zone): If the stress gets too intense or lasts too long, our bodies and minds can shut down or freeze, like slamming on the brakes at a red light. In the red light zone, we feel hopeless and overwhelmed or become numb and unsure of our emotions. Our systems are overloaded, and we are trying to protect ourselves from any more hurt or future danger. In this sense, we feel trapped with no way out and choose behaviors that shelter us from the threat.

So How Do We Cope?

We can decide how to cope with a stressor depending on our “zone.” Different coping skills are helpful at different times. Here are some examples.

1. Green Light Zone: When in the green light zone, we can focus on growth and connection. Practices like mindfulness using apps like Insight Timer or Calm, gratitude like journaling, and connecting with others work well here because we feel calm and open to new experiences. Many people coming to therapy who are not finding ways to be in the green light zone are trying to find coping skills that help them switch from the yellow light or red light zone to being in the green light zone more often.

1. Yellow Light Zone: When we feel anxious or worried, our bodies are on high alert. The key here is to bring us back to where we feel in the green light zone without having to get into the red light zone for too long. When we feel angry in the yellow light zone, writing down our anger and tearing it up or moving (like working out or walking) can help. When we feel sad or rejected in the yellow light zone, techniques like diaphragmatic breathing while counting backward, hugging a pet, or finding ways to laugh can help.

1. Red Light Zone: In the red zone, we may feel numb, frozen, or completely disconnected. Depending on what makes you feel aware of your body, different grounding techniques and self-soothing strategies can help you return to the green light zone. This could involve using techniques to increase the heart rate, such as bilateral tapping or dancing. On the other hand, some of us prefer throwing a ball back and forth with a roommate or friend, using fidget toys, or different strategies in this zone. These coping skills gently re-engage our nervous systems to get out of the red light zone.

Bringing It Back Together

Polyvagal theory and the window of tolerance both help us understand why we feel the way we do in certain situations. Whether we are feeling safe (green light zone), stressed (yellow light zone), or overwhelmed (red light zone), our nervous systems are trying to protect us. None of these states are bad, but spending too much time stressed or overwhelmed can hurt our mental health in the long run. When we know which zone we are in, we can more easily gauge what helps us, either to stay in the green zone or to guide ourselves back to it after we have felt the emotions we deserve to feel.

Understanding these zones helps us see that our reactions are not “wrong,” “bad,” or “defective”—they are responses depending on the traumas, relationships, and other experiences our bodies and minds have endured. We can use this to empower ourselves with choices about how to cope with difficulties.

Strong relationships can be impacted not just by conflict, but by the silent weight of anxiety and depression that partners carry. When mental health struggles arise in a marriage, communication often suffers, leading to misunderstandings and missed support. We believe couples heal best when supported together with clarity, compassion, and evidence-based guidance. Early on, couples seek a trusted marriage therapist to address how mental health challenges affect both individuals and the relationship. Instead of blaming or offering quick fixes, we focus on identifying patterns, emotional triggers, and unspoken needs created by anxiety and depression, laying the groundwork for meaningful progress.

Understanding How Anxiety and Depression Impact Relationships

Anxiety and depression rarely exist in isolation. They influence how partners interpret tone, respond to stress, and express affection or withdrawal. Anxiety may show up as irritability, reassurance-seeking, or avoidance, while depression can lead to emotional numbness, fatigue, or disengagement. Over time, these symptoms can create cycles of frustration and distance that neither partner intended.

Our approach emphasizes education as empowerment. When couples understand how mental health symptoms shape reactions and communication styles, defensiveness begins to soften. We guide partners in separating the person from the symptoms, allowing empathy to replace assumptions. This shift alone often brings relief, because couples realize they are facing the challenge together rather than standing on opposite sides.

How Family and Marriage Counseling Supports Shared Healing

Through family and marriage counseling, we address the relationship as a living system influenced by emotional health, life stressors, family dynamics, and personal history. Sessions are structured to make a safe environment where both partners feel heard without interruption or judgment. We focus on building emotional literacy so couples can express internal experiences clearly and respond to each other with intention.

We also help couples develop practical tools for navigating difficult moments outside of sessions. These include strategies for emotional regulation, conflict de-escalation, and supportive communication during periods of heightened anxiety or depressive symptoms. Rather than offering generic advice, we tailor interventions to the unique rhythms and stressors of each relationship, ensuring the tools are realistic and sustainable.

Why a Marriage Therapist Crystal Lake Couples Trust Makes a Difference

Choosing the right support matters. A marriage therapist that Crystal Lake residents rely on understands the importance of balancing clinical expertise with relational sensitivity. We do not treat anxiety or depression in a vacuum. Instead, we explore how these experiences intersect with trust, intimacy, parenting roles, career pressures, and past relational wounds.

Our sessions are collaborative and goal-oriented. We work with couples to define what progress looks like for them, whether that means improving communication, rebuilding emotional safety, or learning how to support a partner without losing oneself in the process. By addressing both individual experiences and shared dynamics, couples often find renewed confidence in their ability to navigate challenges together.

Our Commitment to Evidence-Based and Compassionate Care

At Transformations Counseling PLLC, we combine established therapeutic models with current, evidence-based interventions to ensure care is both practical and compassionate. Our clinicians are trained to recognize the nuanced ways anxiety and depression affect relationships and to guide couples through change at a pace that feels supportive rather than overwhelming.

Healing happens when couples feel respected, understood, and equipped with practical insight. Our role is not to dictate solutions, but to walk alongside couples as they build healthier patterns of connection, resilience, and mutual support.

Moving Forward Together With Clarity and Confidence

Anxiety and depression do not have to define a marriage. With intentional support, couples can learn to respond to emotional challenges with patience, understanding, and teamwork. Through family and marriage counseling, we help partners strengthen emotional bonds while addressing the genuine mental health concerns that affect daily life. A skilled marriage therapist in Crystal Lake can help couples transform moments of struggle into opportunities for deeper connection and shared growth.

If you are ready to take the next step toward healthier communication and emotional balance, contact us today to schedule a confidential talk and begin the journey forward together.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can couples therapy help if only one partner experiences anxiety or depression?

Yes. Even when symptoms affect one partner more directly, the relationship is still impacted. Therapy helps both partners understand their roles and develop supportive strategies together.

How long does family and marriage counseling usually last?

The length of counseling varies based on goals and complexity. Some couples see improvement in a few months, while others benefit from longer-term support.

Will therapy focus more on mental health or relationship issues?

We integrate both. Addressing emotional health and relationship dynamics together yields more lasting, meaningful results.

Is couples counseling effective during high-stress life transitions?

Absolutely. Significant changes often intensify anxiety or depression. Counseling provides structure and support during these transitions.

How do we know if a marriage therapist in Crystal Lake is right for us?

The right fit feels collaborative, respectful, and aligned with your goals. An initial consultation can help determine comfort and compatibility.

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