Suicide Myths and Facts: 7 Common Myths That Prevent People from Getting Help

Suicide

Suicide is a topic that can be uncomfortable for many to discuss due to the shame and fear built around it. Losing someone to suicide feels devastating, experiencing suicidal ideation is incredibly difficult, and misinformation around it can make it harder for people to recognize risk or seek help. September was suicide prevention month and although we have moved into October, the conversations still need to be hard.

Suicide affects people from across different ages, backgrounds, and circumstances. Part of what makes it so scary is that there is no one factor that can be named as a direct cause, in fact many factors can increase or decrease the likelihood of a suicide attempt or completion. Myths about suicide can often discourage people from asking the questions they need to, from taking warning signs seriously, or from seeking professional support.

Below you will find seven common myths about suicide, and what we know from current suicide-prevention research that can dispel them. Our goal hear is to replace the misinformation with truth, answer some questions you may have, and initiate another conversation about suicide that is more informed and less stigmatizing.

Myth One: Talking about suicide will put the idea into someone’s head.

This one is a big one! The fear that mentioning suicide will increase the likelihood that someone will attempt or even that it could bring the idea into someone’s head. The truth? Asking someone directly about suicide does not increase suicidal thoughts of behavior.

Multiple studies have shown that asking people about suicidal thoughts or behaviors does not cause or increase thoughts of suicide. Rather, asking someone directly, “Are you thinking of killing yourself?” can be the best way to identify someone who may be at risk for suicide. Why? It creates an opportunity for someone to disclose thoughts they may have been keeping private. Meeting them without judgement is important when asking and when listening to what they have to say.

You do not need to have the perfect words. Asking with genuine care and listening without judgement are more important that saying everything perfectly. If you’re stuck thinking of what to say, try the following:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been having a really difficult time lately. Are you thinking about suicide?”

You may get stuck with what to say after. That’s normal! Many people do not know how to respond when someone admits to having suicidal thoughts. It’s not because you do not care, it’s usually because you do. You care about the person, you may feel fear over the thought of losing them, you may hurt because you see them hurting. You are not expected to fix things, instead the best thing you can do is show you support and love them through verbally telling them this, being there for them, and helping connect them to trained mental health professionals who have the training to help them work through what is happening.

Myth Two: People who talk about suicide are just looking for attention.

Talking about suicide should be taken seriously all the time and never dismissed as attention-seeking. A person talking about suicide may be communicating severe emotional distress and not sure how to communicate this.

Not everyone who experiences suicidal thoughts will attempt suicide, but suicidal thoughts should always be taken seriously. One of the identified warning signs for risk of suicide is talking about wanting to die, feeling hopeless or trapped, and feeling like a burden. If someone is talking about it, it warrants attention and support rather than skepticism or judgement. “Attention-seeking” itself is stigmatized, when often what we view negatively in this way is someone attempting to communicate an unmet need. Even if someone does not appear to be in immediate danger, suicidal thoughts should be responded to with curiosity rather than judgement.

If someone communicates, they are thinking of taking their life, you can respond with something like, “I’m glad you told me. I want to understand what you’re going through.” Responding with empathy and curiosity will increase the chances of a person being willing to get connected to a professional support.

Myth Three: People who die by suicide are selfish, cowardly, or weak.

Describing people who died by suicide as selfish, cowardly, weak, attention-seeking, or in any other negative connotation adds too stigma without helping understand the circumstances that contribute to why people complete suicide.

The truth is: Suicide does not reflect a person’s character or moral strength.

Living with suicidal thoughts is a complex situation, that encompasses psychological pain, hopelessness, trauma, and more. It can be contributed to by substance use, chronic pain/illness, social isolation, relationship difficulties, discrimination, financial struggles, and more. Suicide is a complex issue involving multiple individual, relationship, community, and societal factors rather than a single cause.

Suicide is not adequately explained by a character judgement.

Surviving a suicide loss can bring a host of feelings for you, whether it is feelings aimed at the person you lost by suicide or at yourself for not being able to control the ending. Having mixed feelings is normal and many experience them. Anger is a common reaction to grief when a situation feels impossible to understand, and while it may be easy to have anger towards those who complete suicide it is misplaced. A person dying by suicide says nothing about their character or how they lived. Rather it communicates a deeply painful and complex situation with a tragic ending.

Myth Four: All people who attempt suicide truly want to die.

Suicidal experiences can involve significant ambivalence. A person may simultaneously experience an intense desire for their emotional pain to stop while also having reasons they want to live.

Suicidal thoughts exist on a continuum and where a person is on this continuum can fluctuate. Suicidal thoughts, intent, planning, and behavior are not interchangeable. Someone can experience suicidal thoughts frequently yet have no intent or plan to carry out those thoughts. Some can have thoughts, intent, and a plan and still feel ambivalent about carrying out that plan. Someone can be experiencing serious suicide risk while also wanting help, connection, relief, or another way forward.

We cannot assume that every person who attempts suicide experiences suicidal intent in exactly the same way. This is why we must have the hard conversations, ask the questions, and connect those who are struggling to professionals who are trained to support them. This is why asking about someone’s experience rather than assuming what they want matters.

Myth Five: All people who self-harm are suicidal.

When we talk about warning signs for suicide, self harm is often part of the conversation. While self-harm can be a potential risk factor for suicide, it is not a direct link. Nonsuicidal self-injury (NSSI) and suicidal behavior are distinct phenomena.

NSSI generally refers to intentionally injuring oneself without suicidal intent. A person can struggle with NSSI and have suicidal ideation, but no intent (remember the continuum). A person can also struggle with self-harm and have no suicidal ideation. NSSI can serve as a function for many things, including regulating overwhelming emotions, communicating distress, interrupting emotional numbess, self-punishment, and more.

“Nonsuicidal” does not mean “not serious.”

Someone who self-harms is deserving of support and assessment.  Because self-harm and suicidality can co-occur, assessment by a professional can include suicide risk while also providing persons support with learning new ways of coping that can replace the function that NSSI serves.

Myth Six: Suicide always occurs without warning.

While some suicides may occur with little obvious warning, many people who experience suicide risk show warning signs of changes in behavior, mood, communication, or circumstances that you can be on the lookout for. Understanding the warning signs can help with early intervention.

Some common warning signs include:

• Talking about wanting to die.
• Increased communication of feeling hopeless, trapped, or a burden.
• Withdrawing or isolating from others.
• Extreme mood changes.
• Increased substance use.
• Giving away important possessions.
• Saying goodbye to friends and family.
• Making intense out of no-where declarations of care to people around them.
• Putting affairs in order, such as making a will.
• Increased risky behavior.
• Changes in eating or sleeping habits.

Recognizing warning signs does not mean that suicide is always predictable or preventable by family and friends. Warning signs are reasons to reach out, not proof that someone is going to attempt.

Myth Seven: Therapy will not help when a person is already suicidal.

Suicidal thoughts should be always taken seriously. Whether an offhanded comment or joke, it could point to underlying distress that is deserving of care and appropriate support. Therapy can help a person understand factors that contribute to suicidal thoughts, develop coping strategies, identify ways to fight though increases in thought intensity, strength social support, address underlying mental health and trauma related concerns, develop plans to keep a person safe, identify resources and levels of care appropriate for their needs, and more. Therapy can be an incredibly important part of suicide prevention and recovery.

Sometimes, therapy is not necessarily the only intervention someone needs. If someone is in immediate danger, has imminent intent, or cannot maintain their safety, emergency/crisis intervention may be necessary.

So…

What can you do if someone tells you they are thinking about suicide?

1. Take them seriously.Do not dismiss, debate, or minimize what they’re experiencing. Comments like “Why would you want to do that?” or “Look at all you have going for you though!” can increase the shame a suicidal person has over their thoughts and decrease their willingness to talk openly and seek help.
2. Ask directly. It is okay to ask whether they are thinking about suicide. It is okay to ask if they have a plan already and if they intend to carry out this plan. Asking these questions without judgement can help gauge the next steps.
3. You do not need to immediately solve the problem. You may want to out of your own anxiety for their safety, and while that is a normal response – attempt to simply be there for the person. It takes a lot for a person to open up about suicide, meet them with care and support, listen to what they are saying, and then move forward with them in what to do next to get them connected to support.
4. Help connect them to support. Support could include a therapist, doctor, trusted person, crisis line, or higher level of care. If you are a minor and someone you know tells you they are thinking of suicide, consult with a trusted adult in your life. Let them help with the next steps of connecting the person to support.
5. Act when there is immediate danger. If someone is in immediate danger of killing themselves, do not leave them alone. Instead contact emergency/crisis services in your area.

What can you do if you or someone you know is thinking of suicide?

You do not have to wait until suicidal thoughts become an emergency to seek support. You are deserving of care no matter where you are on the continuum. A therapist can provide a nonjudgmental space to talk about suicidal thoughts, emotional pain, self-harm, hopelessness, or other concerns that may be contributing to distress. A therapist can also help you process fear around a loved one who is suicidal or grief from having lost someone to suicide.

Our therapists at Transformations Counseling provide several forms of therapy in both Rockford and Lake in the Hills and surrounding communities, as well as telehealth services across Illinois. To get scheduled with a clinician, fill out the form on our website at counselingtransforms.com to initiate the process.

If you, or someone you know, is needing crisis support please call or text 988, which is available 24/7. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.